people pleasing Archives - Finding Your Path To Freedom

The Imperfect Pot

Published on September 23, 2024

This endearing story that I saved many years ago popped up in one of my folders this week. Perhaps someone will discover something very important today.

A water bearer in India had two large pots; each hung on an end of a pole that he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it. The perfect pot always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house. The cracked pot always arrived only half full.

Each day for two years, the water bearer delivered only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, fulfilling to perfection the role for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its imperfection and felt miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been created to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said sadly.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot. With compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house today, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path. This cheered the pot some, but at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load. So again the pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bear said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without your being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Actually, all of us are "cracked pots" with unique flaws. Our response to that fact is crucial to what we will become. If we realize our potential, in spite of our imperfections, we naturally reach forward. If we focus on our imperfections, we tend to compare ourselves with others, leading to the false belief that we have nothing to offer. This mindset deceives us into feeling unimportant or insignificant.

By simply acknowledging our imperfections and moving forward, we will discover that we, like the imperfect pot, can be the cause of beauty. Just as the water bearer saw the unique contribution the imperfect pot could make in pleasing the king, so God sees our full potential and will help us bring pleasure to Him and become a source of beauty to others here on earth.

[Source unknown]

Magnifying Glass

Published on August 31, 2024

A few months ago, a newsletter from a friend caught my attention because of the way she dialogued with God about this verse:

And Mary said, “My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.”
Luke 1:46, 47 (ESV)

She asked God, “When Mary says her ‘soul’ magnifies the Lord,’ what does that mean, Lord? How do I do that…how can my soul magnify You? Please show me what that means.”

God led her to this definition of “magnify” by Chicago journalist, Patrick T. Reardon:

“Many modern translations begin, ‘My soul proclaims…’ or ‘My soul praises…,’ but I like the earlier word ‘magnifies’ because it’s kind of odd and mysterious. What Mary is saying is that she is like a magnifying glass. By looking at her—by looking through her—other people see God better.”(emphasis mine)

My friend continued with her insights. “It’s not uncommon for someone to say to us, ‘God worked through you.’ We have a high privilege to help others recognize God by our words and actions. By our smiles and willingness to listen.

“However, a new picture has come into focus for me.

“Our task isn’t to do as many wonderful things as we can to represent God and show them God in us. My ordained role is not to reflect God in me. God has chosen me to simply stand in His presence, hold a magnifying glass in front of me, and let others look through the glass and see how awesome and amazing God is. God decides what things in my life He wants others to see. We don’t need to promote ourselves. Our role is to promote Him.”

In the past, I was happily aware that I have the privilege of reflecting Jesus to other people. My desire was that when they see ME, they would also see Jesus’ light in me. However, when we hold up a simple hand-held mirror, all we see is our own reflection.

Instead, He wants us to commune with Him in our soul and spirit, magnifying and exalting Him. Singing praises to Him and declaring His glory that always has been and always will be.

As we stand in His presence, we can hold our magnifying glass in front of us. When others look through that glass, they will see a clear view of all that God has brought into being.

O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together.
Psalm 34:3 (NASB)

Will you hold up your magnifying glass so others can look through it and see the wonders God has displayed for them? Perhaps start by holding up a real magnifying glass in front of you and praying: “God, thank You that You are in my life and I can come freely into Your presence. Please guide me into opportunities to magnify You while I stand behind You. I praise You that I can have a part in helping others see You and Your works more clearly and glorify You.”

Unexpected Breakthrough

Published on June 14, 2021

Sometimes breakthrough is a process. The woodpecker doesn’t stop to worry about what the other birds think about them, it just does what it is designed to do. ~ Sammy Robinson

When I read this quote in the blog of my friend, Elizabeth Horbelt,* the words reminded me of one of my breakthroughs during a writing conference in 2004. Because I cared so much what people thought of me, I had unconsciously built an invisible wall to protect myself from possible rejection. God was about to disclose the results of my decision.

On the first evening, the conference keynote speaker said, “Breakthrough to the next level comes only through brokenness.” He grabbed my attention immediately.

“Not your efforts, but brokenness, helps you get through to a new level,” the speaker continued. “God will hit where we have built walls that keep Him at a distance. We all build walls. Sometimes God shoots a customized arrow into our hearts to wake us up.”

While absorbing this declaration, I felt intense pain in my chest. With it came a sense that God had pierced my heart and said, “Your wall is keeping you at a distance from Me.”

The thought that I had hurt the heart of God became unbearable. I had no idea I’d built an emotional wall of protection around my heart.

As soon as the speaker finished, I hurried from the session to seek aloneness in my quiet hotel room. As I knelt and buried my head in my hands, tears seeped through my fingers.

“God, I didn’t know anything stood between You and me.”

He revealed I had constructed a wall out of my fear of what people would think about me. That wall had become my emotional protection. My wall also blocked me from absorbing the truth that God loves me, accepts me, protects me, and delights in me. I confessed my actions as sin against God. My sorrow lifted when I opened myself to receive His promised forgiveness.

During those moments of brokenness, the source of my fear became clear. I reached for my notebook to record my thoughts.

Soon I’d sketched the outline of a wall. In the empty boxes that formed the foundation, I added words that came to my mind: “childhood patterns,” “defense mechanisms,” and “family expectations.”

On each brick, I wrote an internal struggle that held me captive and governed my involuntary responses to people: fear of failure, fear of disappointing others, fear of not measuring up, need for approval, need for acceptance.

Author Paul Richardson explains more about our walls in his book A Certain Risk,

In response to our most unforgettable heartaches, many of us have closed ourselves off, locked our hearts behind unassailable walls, and
hidden away the key. . . .
He is showing me that the greatest barriers to his artistry in and through my life are not physical dangers. The real barriers are my own conjured fears. These fears are phony castle walls I’ve constructed around me.

During my conversation with God in my hotel room that day, I received courage to emotionally let the bricks of my castle walls crumble. Nothing stood between God and me anymore.

My unexpected breakthrough to the next level came through brokenness, just as the speaker explained. Once my wall was gone, I began relating to people in an open and authentic way without holding back from sharing about my personal life.

I'm looking forward to my continuing journey on God's path of freedom where I'm becoming more and more the person God designed me to be. **

Have you built an emotional wall of protection around yourself? What factors might have led you to construct your foundation and lay bricks on top? God is waiting to show you how to experience a life of freedom outside your wall.

* Link to Elizabeth Horbelt’s May 17 blog: "Designed for Breakthrough."

** Some of the content in this blog is adapted from pages 31-34 of my book, *Will the Real Person Please Stand Up: Rising Upon the Fear of Rejection,* and is used by permission.
Link to order your own copy.