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Freedom
Path of Freedom
WELCOME TO MY BLOG!
You have come to a safe place where we can share our victories and our challenges. Sometimes we need to pause and process what is happening in our lives so we can make progress on our journey of life.
When God showed me His path of freedom, I was able to let go of my fear of rejection and become the authentic person God created me to be. I don't know where you are on your personal journey, but I hope my blogs and the comments of others will give you courage to move from fear to freedom.
Please feel free to ask questions, share thoughts, or give your response to a blog. Simply click on the title of the blog, and leave your comment in the box at the bottom of the page.
New Life out of Tragedy
For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong in my family.
This unexpected thought came to my mind because of a tragedy in our family: the loss of my young cousin, Ashley, in Oregon. That day the temperature was 116 degrees, and it appears she succumbed to the intense heat.
Sorrow flowed through our hearts. As we wrestled with the reality of Ashley’s absence, God began to bring about changes in our family.
We craved to know how each of us was coping. More frequent communication and deeper expressions of love flowed between us. Since I live in Orlando, lengthy phone calls ensued and texts flew back and forth. I also expressed love for them through my cards and letters.
When I flew to Oregon to see them, we all gathered at Cary’s home. The sun was bright. Salmon and fresh-picked corn sizzled on Cary’s grill while we sat together in his beautiful backyard, surrounded by towering fir trees and summer dahlias. A beautifully-crafted waterfall produced a soothing sound as we engaged in easy conversation sprinkled with laughter. My heart soared.
The following week, I sat under the patio umbrella in Blair and Peggy’s backyard. We enjoyed a free-flowing conversation for several hours like three friends who were used to being together. A few days later, Justin and I met for lunch to share personal things that mattered to us. Justin’s text warmed my heart. “I had a great time catching up at lunch. I’m glad we were able to have that time together.”
The day before my flight back to Orlando, the unusual thought popped into my mind: I feel like I belong in this family now. When I shared my feelings with Cary and Blair, they were puzzled. Both responded, “You’ve always been part of the family!”
That’s when I realized a deep change had taken place inside of me. When the others pulled me into their daily lives, I felt closer to them and more willing to express my feelings and emotions. In return, they became more open and honest with me.
Cary calls me once a week. Before I left town, Blair said, “Please keep calling me. I’m not good at initiating, but I enjoy talking to you.” Justin and I want to find a mutual time to talk together on Zoom.
This kind of closeness may already be a part of your family life; for us it’s a new era. God planned to bring new life out of our tragedy. Because of my personal experience, I understand in a deeper way why God gave us this instruction:
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)
“Family togetherness” is at the top of my thanksgiving list. What will you thank God for this month? Post your comment below.
Unexpected Breakthrough
Sometimes breakthrough is a process. The woodpecker doesn’t stop to worry about what the other birds think about them, it just does what it is designed to do. ~ Sammy Robinson
When I read this quote in the blog of my friend, Elizabeth Horbelt,* the words reminded me of one of my breakthroughs during a writing conference in 2004. Because I cared so much what people thought of me, I had unconsciously built an invisible wall to protect myself from possible rejection. God was about to disclose the results of my decision.
On the first evening, the conference keynote speaker said, “Breakthrough to the next level comes only through brokenness.” He grabbed my attention immediately.
“Not your efforts, but brokenness, helps you get through to a new level,” the speaker continued. “God will hit where we have built walls that keep Him at a distance. We all build walls. Sometimes God shoots a customized arrow into our hearts to wake us up.”
While absorbing this declaration, I felt intense pain in my chest. With it came a sense that God had pierced my heart and said, “Your wall is keeping you at a distance from Me.”
The thought that I had hurt the heart of God became unbearable. I had no idea I’d built an emotional wall of protection around my heart.
As soon as the speaker finished, I hurried from the session to seek aloneness in my quiet hotel room. As I knelt and buried my head in my hands, tears seeped through my fingers.
“God, I didn’t know anything stood between You and me.”
He revealed I had constructed a wall out of my fear of what people would think about me. That wall had become my emotional protection. My wall also blocked me from absorbing the truth that God loves me, accepts me, protects me, and delights in me. I confessed my actions as sin against God. My sorrow lifted when I opened myself to receive His promised forgiveness.
During those moments of brokenness, the source of my fear became clear. I reached for my notebook to record my thoughts.
Soon I’d sketched the outline of a wall. In the empty boxes that formed the foundation, I added words that came to my mind: “childhood patterns,” “defense mechanisms,” and “family expectations.”
On each brick, I wrote an internal struggle that held me captive and governed my involuntary responses to people: fear of failure, fear of disappointing others, fear of not measuring up, need for approval, need for acceptance.
Author Paul Richardson explains more about our walls in his book A Certain Risk,
In response to our most unforgettable heartaches, many of us have closed ourselves off, locked our hearts behind unassailable walls, and
hidden away the key. . . .
He is showing me that the greatest barriers to his artistry in and through my life are not physical dangers. The real barriers are my own conjured fears. These fears are phony castle walls I’ve constructed around me.
During my conversation with God in my hotel room that day, I received courage to emotionally let the bricks of my castle walls crumble. Nothing stood between God and me anymore.
My unexpected breakthrough to the next level came through brokenness, just as the speaker explained. Once my wall was gone, I began relating to people in an open and authentic way without holding back from sharing about my personal life.
I'm looking forward to my continuing journey on God's path of freedom where I'm becoming more and more the person God designed me to be. **
Have you built an emotional wall of protection around yourself? What factors might have led you to construct your foundation and lay bricks on top? God is waiting to show you how to experience a life of freedom outside your wall.
* Link to Elizabeth Horbelt’s May 17 blog: "Designed for Breakthrough."
** Some of the content in this blog is adapted from pages 31-34 of my book, *Will the Real Person Please Stand Up: Rising Upon the Fear of Rejection,* and is used by permission.
Link to order your own copy.
Soaring Free
Many of you know that God placed a passion in my heart to grow in my new freedom and help others live in freedom too.
Here’s a powerful story from my study Bible that deepened my determination to keep soaring free! Perhaps you will be impacted as well.
“A farmer once found a baby eagle and raised it with his chickens. The eagle learned to live as the chickens did, never attempting to fly. When a bird-watcher saw the eagle, he bought it from the farmer and attempted to teach it to fly. But the eagle would only run around and flap its wings like a chicken. Finally, the man took the bird to a high mountain. ‘You are an eagle,’ he said. ‘You should fly.’ And he threw the bird off the side of the mountain. At first the eagle cried out in fear, but then it spread its wings and soared into the sky.
“Perhaps that eagle sometimes flew over the old farmyard and missed the chickens. But it never returned to live like them, because now it knew what it meant to be an eagle.
“In a similar way, many believers do not fully understand who they are in Christ. As a result, they miss the incredible blessings God has intended for His people. In a spiritual sense, they never learn to soar free above all creation.
“What would it be like to see ourselves as our loving Father sees us? God says, ‘Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!’ (2 Corinthians 5:17). We can see ourselves as God does by exercising our faith as we read the Bible, believing what it says about God and what it says about us.
“Isn’t it time to stop listening to what others say about [us] and start listening to God?” *
What thoughts ran through your mind as you read this narrative? I’d love to hear from you! Leave your comment below.
* Story taken from the Discover God Study Bible NLT, page 2094.
Copyright © 2000. Used by permission of Bright Media Foundation,
represented by Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.
The Empty Tomb
The three women went quickly to the tomb with cloth-wrapped spices in their arms to anoint the body of their friend and Master, Jesus (Mark 15).
Wondering how they would remove the stone themselves, they were shocked to see it already rolled away. Uncertain what they’d find, they entered the tomb slowly and saw a young man in a white robe sitting inside.
He greeted them, “Do not be amazed; You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene who has been crucified. He has risen; He is not here.”
The man instructed the women to go and tell Jesus’ disciples and Peter that Jesus was going to Galilee and would see them there. The women fled from the tomb, “trembling and astonished,” eager to tell them the good news.
In John’s account (chapter 20), Mary Magdalene went to the tomb by herself early while it was still dark. Finding the stone rolled away, she hurried to tell Peter and John. They both ran ahead of her to the tomb and went inside. John relates that he “saw and believed.”
After the men left for their homes, Mary Magdalene stood outside the tomb, weeping. When she stooped to look into the tomb, she saw two angels, one sitting at the head and another at the feet where the body of Jesus had been lying.
The angels asked Mary, “Woman, why are you weeping?”
She replied, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him.”
Turning, she noticed a man, who also asked why she was weeping. When she answered, the man spoke her name, “Mary.” The scales fell from Mary’s eyes and she reached out to cling to her risen Lord.
After this earth-shattering encounter, Mary ran to announce to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord.”
Can you imagine Mary’s heart bursting with joy and wonder? She’d just seen her risen Lord! Her sorrow of finding the tomb empty evaporated when she reaized He was alive!
- What might you have thought when you saw the stone rolled away and discovered the tomb empty?
- What emotions might have erupted inside you when the man in a white robe told you, “He is not here. He has risen.” Who would you have run to tell?
- If you had been Mary Magdalene, what thoughts might have run through your mind when you saw two angels perched beside the burial cloths—a confirmation that Jesus was no longer there. What would you have said?
- And what about when you recognized Jesus! What would you have felt, or said to Him, or done?
- Who would you have run to, shouting, “I have seen the Lord”?
- How might your life have been changed?
I can’t imagine what my life would be like, or what kind of person I would be today, if it weren’t for the empty tomb, the ultimate proof of Christ’s resurrection. Christ’s willingness to pay my debt in full, by being crucified on the cross, is the only way I am able to live in freedom. Because of Christ’s death, the veil was removed, and I gained access to His Father. My personal relationship with my Abba Father breathes life into my spirit and soul, and gives me strength to live each day for Him. He is the only One who can fulfill my needs, wants, and desires. No person and no created thing can satisfy the longings of my heart. God has provided a way for me to experience His grace daily and to live the kind of life He ordained for me. For the rest of my days on earth, I will sing of my love and gratitude to God for saving me.
On this Resurrection Sunday, and in the days that follow . . .
May we realize in a new and deeper way what the empty tomb symbolizes for us personally. Forgiveness for all our sins…past, present, future. Freedom to have a personal relationship with God without a veil between us. Privilege to bare our hearts to Him, sure of His understanding, forgiveness and counsel. Let’s joyfully celebrate the new life we have because of Jesus Christ.
May we also hear Jesus Christ commissioning us with these words: “Go and tell others.” We have a story of new life that others need to hear. It may be a neighbor, a service person who comes to our home, someone at the fitness center where we work out, a teacher, a coworker. People listen to stories. We have the most important story to tell. Everyone who is not living a redeemed life needs to hear that Jesus loves them and wants to know them personally.
What does the empty tomb mean for you?
The empty tomb to the child of God means that
Mark Trammell
sin’s ability to keep us from God is empty,
death’s power to separate us from God is empty,
and anything in this world that could try
and keep us from knowing
the love of Christ in our lives is empty!
And it’s all because the tomb of Jesus is empty.
There is nothing that’s more valuable than
the emptiness of that place.
Stretching Our Faith
“I want to do that, Lord, but I don’t know how.”
Have you ever expressed these words to God when faced with a task beyond your ability? Why do we so quickly forget that when God gives us an unexpected idea, or challenges us to try something new, or leads us to a risk-taking path, He promises to provide everything we need?
We may need courage to take the next step. Humility to ask a friend for help. Wisdom to understand all the details involved. Confidence to overpower feelings of inadequacy. Caution against comparing ourselves with others. Insight to identify when the enemy is whispering lies that block our path.
God wants to increase our faith and supply His power to accomplish whatever work He has ordained for us to do. Therefore, instead of assessing what we lack, or naively thinking we can complete the work in our own strength, we must “fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of faith,” (Hebrews 12:2).
Recently, God stretched my faith when He prompted me to consider establishing my own YouTube channel. I have to admit that my first thoughts were, “I don’t know what’s involved in doing that. Who am I to prepare videos and be that visible?”
God immediately reminded me of His promise to partner with me to accomplish His vision.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)
His promise gave me confidence to move forward. He helped me realize that He had opened this door to give many more people the chance to hear how they can experience freedom from their fear of rejection.
When I told my friend Jean about my plan, she immediately offered to coach me. She sent me her copious notes, a sample of her designs, and an invaluable link that unlocked countless video tutorials by a young man who was easy to understand and who explained each step to take.
I’m excited to give you this link to my YouTube channel, Freedom from the Fear of Rejection. Enjoy the welcome video on the homepage and click on the Videos tab to view a listing of available videos. I’m aiming for 100 subscribers, and I hope you will be among them! Just click on the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified of future videos.
All you see on my YouTube channel represents the result of God’s partnership with me when He stretched my faith!
We are made to grow, to stretch ourselves into new arenas.
The Spirit will give us power to do what we could not do before,
or to at least take the step to learn how.
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
How People Grow, page 102.
Has God stretched your faith by leading you into something new? Please share your story in the comment box below.
Guideline for listening to the video series
- INTRODUCTION: Preview of the content of Freedom from Fear of Rejection
- Part One – Defenses we may have built to protect ourselves.
- Part Two – Choices we can make to tear down each defense.
- Part Three – Experiences we can have on our new path of freedom.
Loving the Outcasts
Wherever Jesus walked, he always noticed the outcasts, the ones shunned by society for reasons completely out of their control. His love and compassion compelled Him to heal and restore each person.
One day Jesus decided to sail to the country of the Gerasenes, which is opposite Galilee.
And when He had come out onto the land,
He was met by a certain man from the city who was possessed with demons;
and who had not put on any clothing for a long time,
and was not living in a house, but in the tombs.
Luke 8:27 (NASB)
This outcast was treated as a crazy man because the demons inside him caused violent behavior. Restrained by chains and shackles, he was kept under guard; but he would break through and, driven by the demons, run into the desert.
Jesus approached the man that day and began commanding the demons to come out of him. Instead, the demons began screaming and pleading with Him not to send them into the abyss but to allow them to enter the nearby herd of swine. Jesus granted permission, knowing the swine would race down the steep embankment and drown in the lake.
A terrifying incident, for sure, but the love of Jesus triumphed and forever changed the outcast’s life. Two amazing scenes unfolded. And those are what captured my heart.
1. The man sat at Jesus’ feet.
We might think he’d feel embarrassed and humiliated to stay around after all the uproar. But the love that had delivered him drew him to the feet of Jesus…a sacred place. As we picture him sitting there, fully clothed, calm, and coherent, we can understand why.
He felt comfortable being with Jesus.
He felt loved and accepted by Jesus.
His fear was gone.
2. The man received a commission from Jesus.
His deliverance by Jesus ushered in a feeling of hope he’d never experienced. Now he could be part of the society that had shunned him before.
Filled with purpose and love for Jesus, the man begged Jesus to let him join his ministry. Certainly, he envisioned the joy and privilege of following Jesus and witnessing more miraculous healings.
Instead, Jesus commissioned him to go and tell his story.
Return to your house and
describe what great things God has done for you.
Luke 8:39 (NASB)
Obediently, the man began walking toward his house, but something happened on the way.
He proclaimed throughout the whole city
what great things Jesus had done for him.
(Luke 8:39)
Jesus has commissioned us as well. Because of His love, He not saved us. He also sent us to tell our story to everyone we meet so they will know how God has transformed our lives. And as we speak, God can change other people’s lives through us.
Is there someone who needs to hear your story this week?
Dancing to the Music
As a ballroom dancer, I was intrigued by this challenge.
Life does play whatever music it wants. Some tunes may prompt us to drop what we’re doing, cast our cares aside, and move with abandonment. Melodious sounds might cause us to slow down and dream of what could be, while we sway from side to side. Music in a minor key might remind us of discord and strife. However, hearing that kind of music can motivate us to spring into action and bring about needed change.
No matter what music you hear, you have an opportunity to choose your dance and let our own unique personality flow out. That smile bubbling up from within you may be the light someone needs. Staccato movements that show a dramatic side of you might inspire others to try something new. When you dance with peaceful and gliding steps, without allowing the world to pull you into its battles, others may seek peaceful solutions for their difficult relationships or circumstances.
We have a personal choice: behave the way the world dictates, or live the way God intends. Along the way, we will meet cooperative, accommodating, inviting, warm, and friendly people. But what about difficult people? How should we respond to them? My answer came through a story I heard recently.
A man walked down the street with his friend. The friend paused at a newsstand and greeted the seller with a smile and a friendly, “Good morning.” Instead of reciprocating, the disgruntled person scowled at him, grabbed his money, and slapped the morning paper into his hand.
As they walked away, the man asked his friend if that person always treated him so roughly. The friend affirmed it was a daily occurrence. The next question was, “Are you always courteous and friendly to him like you were just now?”
“Yes, I am.”
Puzzled, the man asked, “Why are you so nice when he is so rude?”
The friend responded, “Because I don’t want him to decide how I’m going to act.”
Learning about this man’s daily choice in an unpleasant setting, changed my perspective. I am more determined to respond to people in a consistent way that honors God, no matter what they may say or do that challenges my way of life.
We can’t avoid hearing the music of the world, but we can choose how we dance to it. Can you think of a situation when you stayed strong and chose your own way to dance to life’s music?
Are you free of fear?
Is fear of rejection controlling your life? I’ve developed a quiz that will help you answer that important question.
Even into my adult years, I had no idea that this devastating fear was defining my life. Now that I’ve found freedom from my fear, I’m eager to help others find the path to freedom.
This quiz will help you take two steps toward your path to freedom. First, you will have a chance to acknowledge any symptoms of the fear of rejection. The second step will show you how to recognize barriers you may have built that prevent people from knowing who you really are.
Take a moment now and see how you score on the Fear of Rejection Quiz. Then share this link with others—you may help someone who is unaware they are struggling with this fear. You can break the barriers that prevent you from experiencing freedom. Download your quiz now.