Blog

Memory of Love

Faith, Hope, Journey, Joy
Published on

You’re my favorite granddaughter!

My grandmother—affectionately called Grandmartie—showered me with love and filled empty spaces in my young life and into adulthood. She had that way about her.

My mother and father worked full time, which gobbled up much of their time.  Fortunately, Grandmartie lived close by.

I loved being at my grandmother’s house. Memories flooded my heart when I came across the pictures of me sitting on her lap, along with her dog Judy. And blowing bubbles on her back step with my brother Greig.

My grandparent’s spacious backyard place allowed room for Greig and me to play, and became the place of family gatherings when the weather permitted. How well I remember perching on their lawn swing, and leaning over the edge to let the juice and seeds of my scrumptious slice of watermelon fall on the grass.

Some days after school, I’d bound up her backstairs, calling “yoo-hoo,” a greeting I learned from her. The delight in her face when she saw me trot around the corner into the kitchen sent an undeniable message: “You are special. I’m glad you’re here.” Often, she’d ask, “Want me to fix you an eggnog?”

Quality time. That was her greatest gift. It didn’t matter what we were doing together. Her presence poured love, personal interest, security, and devotion into my heart. Her words and teaching built confidence within me that eventually overpowered my shyness.

After I went away to college and then ventured to California to begin serving with Cru, an international Christian organization, her influence continued. I looked forward to receiving Grandmartie’s personal notes, crafted in her beautiful, unique handwriting.

She believed in me and prayed for my future. My choice to join the staff of Cru brought her joy, because she had talked to me about Jesus from the time I was small. She knew I had stepped on a path where I would have the chance to help others know about Him.

After living and working in California for seven years, I accepted an overseas assignment with Cru in the Philippines. Soon I began receiving Grandmartie’s airmail letters relating her latest ventures and news of the family, as well as encouraging words and wise advice.

Then she and my mom began talking about traveling to the Philippines for my first Christmas. A wrinkle in that dream plan surfaced when someone knocked her off balance at the retirement home, and she broke her hip. Still she was determined to make the trip to see me. After six months of vigorous therapy, she boarded the plane with Mom. Her age? 86!!

Little did I know that my Grandmartie still had more years ahead to love and nurture me. Just short of 100, she left this earth to be with her Lord and Savior. Yet, her legacy of love has enabled me to become the woman she envisioned and the person God designed me to become. 

The greatest gift anyone can give us is love. What special person has poured love into your life?

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God;
and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.” 

Home

Learn, Live, Hope

Hope, Journey, Joy, Life
Published on

What has happened in your life so far this year?

Have you started pursuing one of your resolutions? Maybe you’ve taken a risk and tried something new. Perhaps you’re at a standstill, overwhelmed by your long list. Or you’ve check off one major thing and you’re smiling right now. If you allowed God to refresh you through a friend this week, you’re probably energized to take the next step. Undoubtedly, we’re at various stages in our journey.

I’ve adopted the above quote as my motto for this new year. Maybe it has resonated with you, as well. All of us lived yesterday in the best way we could. Yet, certainly we can learn from a decision we wish we hadn’t made, or a conversation with a family member or friend that didn’t go well, or the way we allowed fear to shatter our confidence in a certain situation. We can give all those things to God and learn from yesterday.

We’ve already lived yesterday, but now we can embrace the present. Today, let’s live in the moment, capturing all we can from each experiences and allowing joy to overcome even a disappointment. If we put our heart into whatever is happening in front of us, we won’t miss what God has prepared. How is today going for you?

We don’t know how tomorrow is going to play out, but we can have hope because God has a good plan for the rest of our future. Scary unknowns may be lurking, but we can let go of those thoughts, trust God, and return to enjoying today! If we belong to God, we are assured that He will equip us to handle whatever tomorrow may bring.

Learn, live and hope. Let’s contemplate these words today as we stand in the crossroad between yesterday and tomorrow.

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.
They are plans for good and not for evil,
to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11, TLB

LIVE ABOVE FEAR

Format Image Published on

My blog is a safe place to think, feel, and be honest about loss and life, fear and freedom. I'm looking forward to sharing our struggles and sorrows with one another, as well as the victories God gives us on our new path to freedom. Fear often grips me,...

The Downside of People Pleasing

Barriers, Choices, Fear, Rejection
Published on

I still struggle with what people think of me.

Proof surfaced during the opening night of the annual Word Weavers retreat in Leesburg, Florida. We were asked to dress as our favorite detective to coincide with the theme: Your Identity as Writers. I chose Miss Marple, the unexpected detective created by the famous mystery writer, Agatha Christie. My costume was a big hit! So what could go wrong?

Well, the MC asked us to come to the podium and explain who we were. My introduction brought smiles. Unfortunately, I threw out two more comments as if I were the real Miss Marple. The first brought a chuckle, the second dead silence and blank stares. Hurrying to my seat, my mind bombarded me with accusations. “You talked too long. Why did you try to be clever? You changed their positive view of you.”

After wrestling with my thoughts for a while, I remembered the solution…once again. My new freedom allows me to make mistakes without focusing on what people might think. It felt good to let go of that silly incident, confess my self-centered thoughts, and thank God that my flaws and imperfections help me be a real person to the people I meet.

“I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real.”
Shaun Hick

Leigh McLeroy, in The Sacred Ordinary, explains, “I was a performing child, and I remember performing well—not only because I wanted the satisfaction of doing a thing rightly but because I wanted the praise that typically comes with achievement. . . . (My parents) praised my efforts and my accomplishments, and I liked that very much. But I also believe . . . that they would have loved me just as much had I not performed so well. I believe this because I love the children in my life, even when they don’t shine. . . . Where love is concerned, it’s belonging that counts—not performing.”

She ends with I Corinthians 13:7-8, “[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. . . .” Then Leigh asks, “What could you do that could make [God] love you more? He has already given everything to make you his.” God longs for us to bask in His love, the best defense against whatever our minds might prompt us to do, especially in front of an audience.

Have you had an embarrassing, people-pleasing moment? What did you learn from it?

Tend Your Garden

Choices, Freedom, Joy, Life
Published on

“Gail, remember to tend your garden!”

Shirley is the kind of friend who sends me these kinds of alerts whenever she discerns I’m forgetting to pause and tend my own personal garden. To give myself permission to slow down and go someplace or do something that allows me to relax, recharge, and reflect. To rest in a way that restores my soul.

Little did I know that my summer project would create a perfect environment to help this happen more frequently.

My well-used white wicker porch set no longer beckoned me outside. My heart longed for some pretty, comfortable, and durable chairs as well as a matching table. Fully expecting an extensive search, the moment I stepped into the patio display of a nearby store, my vision came to life. The high back, glider/swivel chairs, with colorful pillows casually thrown on as a suggestion, as well as the perfect-size glass-top table, screamed “Gail.” The patio sale, that reduced the price by $50, added to the thrill of the find.

A comedy of errors ensued as my neighbor Pam and I placed the huge box in her truck, lugged the individual pieces to my patio, and began assembling the first chair…only to discover the plastic bag containing screws, bolts, and directions was missing. After picking up the crucial items from the store, and soliciting help from another friend, our DIY project finally came to a successful end.

After thanking Pam profusely, I prepared my lunch and carried it outside to enjoy my new, colorful oasis. While slowly gliding back and forth in the comfy chairs, I read my book and listened to the birds chirping. The flourishing fern, displayed in my large, cobalt-blue pot, brushed my soul with delight. Periodically, I drank in the beauty of the pink cypress tree, and flowers and foliage gracing the backyard beyond my enclosed porch. Without realizing it, two hours had passed. Smiling, I declared out loud, “Time stands still out here. I could easily stay all day.”

In what ways do you stop and tend your personal garden so you are refreshed, revived and ready to walk back into the various arenas of your life? Sometimes it only takes a pause.

“The music in a song isn’t just the notes.
It’s the space between them.
A song without rests, without timing,
isn’t a song. It isn’t music.” 

John Ruskin

Where is Alan?

Choices, Connections, Faith, Hope
Published on

Ever since my divine encounter with Alan at the beach several months ago, I’d wondered what had happened in his life since our conversation.
(The full story of Alan . . . Man at the Sea)

In June, my nephew Casey, great niece Piper and I enjoyed an overnight stay at the same beach where I’d met Alan. After waving goodbye as they headed home to South Carolina, I walked to my car. But I wasn’t thinking about driving home; I was focused on trying to find Alan.

As I wound through the back roads, I prayed, “You are God so you know exactly where Alan is today. Please lead me to him.”

God’s plan of precision began to unfold. My turns were only guesses as I passed by high-rise hotels and looked for a lower white building I remembered seeing behind Alan when we talked on the beach. Searching for the public steps he may have taken, I saw a nearby parking lot—but those slots were private. Spotting a service truck parked in a grassy area on a side road, I pulled in beside the vehicle and jumped out. Realizing my bumper stuck out slightly into the road, I got back in and pulled the car up a bit.

Satisfied, I reached for my book to give Alan, if I found him. I wandered toward the parking lot near the beach. As I crossed the street, I came face to face with a tall, thin women holding her dog and obviously headed for the beach, too. I hesitated, but she motioned for me to walk ahead of her.

As soon as I took a step forward, I heard, “What book are you reading?”

I stopped, turned around, and held up the book. “This happens to be something I wrote.”

She looked at the title and sub-title, gasped, and threw her arms around my neck.

Stunned, but wanting to acknowledge her obvious trauma, I said, “You have faced rejection, too.”

“All my life.”

I confided I had felt rejected during my growing up years. After we learned each other’s names, the story of Teresa’s sad life experiences tumbled out of her mouth. She mentioned being part of an Alcoholics Anonymous group. Could it be?

“Teresa, the reason I’m carrying this book, is I met a man named Alan on the beach several months ago. We talked about rejection and he wanted to read my book. If I find him I want to give him this copy. He said he’s part of an AA group here. Do you happen to know him?”

“Tall, skinny?”

“Yes!”

“He lives up the street and attends often. Our group meets tonight so he may be there.”

In disbelief, I handed her the book. “Would you give this to him?”

Not wanting our conversation to end, Teresa suggested we move to the shady area so her little dog, Maxie, wouldn’t have to stand on the hot concrete.

Like friends who’d known each other a long time, we lowered ourselves on to the inviting green grass and continued our story telling. We realized the differences in our experiences, yet the complete understanding we shared created a bond.

In spite of all the trauma she’d endured, Teresa had set her sights on a two-year degree in social work. She is working against enormous odds, but her unfailing belief and trust in God since the age of 31 will undoubtedly fortify her as she moves toward discovering God’s eternal plan. Her passion is to help others know they are not alone.

God merged three lives into one beautiful story. Teresa helped me find out where Alan was, and I listened to Teresa’s hurts and reinforced her hope in God for a better life.

“Teresa, we have to take some pictures.” We laughed and hugged, and made sure that one picture included her sweet, compliant dog Maxie. After all, he was the reason she was heading to the beach at that divine moment in time.

We exchanged cell phones and emails so we could keep in touch. As soon as I arrived home, I texted a handful of pictures.

Joy bubbled up inside me when I read Teresa’s response. “You blessed me today…God with skin.”

But my story doesn’t end there. In subsequent texts from Teresa, I learned that Alan was out of town for the summer. Finally he returned, and Teresa told me, “I gave Alan the book and he was pleasantly surprised.”

I can only imagine his expression when she handed him my book and related the story of how Teresa and I found each other. Another loving touch from God that I hope Alan will receive as proof of how much God loves him.

Man at the Sea

Choices, Connections, Fear, Freedom, Hope
Published on

He sat in stillness, as if mesmerized by the crashing waves in front of him.

“Mind if I take your picture?” I ventured.

After his consent for a photo shoot, I asked him the standard beach-side question, “Where’re you from?”

“I live here and usually come once a day. How’d you get time off during the week?”

With a smile I replied, “I recently retired so I can drive here any time.”

“What’re you doing now that you’re retired?”

I offered the first thing that came to my mind. “Well, it’s given me time to write a book.”

When he asked what it’s about, and I explained it’s about the fear of rejection, he admitted, “The thought of rejection holds me back from saying things or presenting my opinion because I want it to be perfect.”

After confessing I had the same problem, I told him that God is in my life and He is helping me make progress and become more free with people.

After exchanging names, Alan told me more. “I belong to an AA group. I used to go to keep from drinking. Now I go because of the fellowship. And I feel safe.”

“How long have you been sober?”

“Seventeen years. I don’t want to take one drink, because I don’t want to give up what I have in the group.”

“That’s wonderful. God wants to help you stay sober.”

Pausing for a moment, we looked toward the rolling waves, blue sky, and brilliant sunshine and agreed that all of it reflected God.

As we stood together, he said, “Thank you for stopping to talk. I’ll buy your book. I know it will help me.”

“Alex, do you realize that God arranged that you would come to this spot and I would choose this time to walk by?”

We smiled at each other with the realization that this was an arranged appointment we would never forget.

As I walked away, I felt like my feet were barely touching the sand. I’m praying that this spiritual seed-planting and watering time will blossom and flourish in the heart of Alex, the man God brought to the sea that day.