Choices

No! I can’t do that!

Captivity, Choices, Fear, Freedom
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You may remember that my April Monthly Musings centered on the disciple Peter, who floundered after the death of his friend, Jesus. As he stood at the sea, he announced to his friends, “I’m going fishing.” A decision that would take him back to his old, familiar way of life. 

Here was my response to that scene: “I pondered what my own future would look like. When the doors of confinement are flung open, would I return to ‘fishing as usual,’ or would I choose to leave my safety net—my familiar, normal way of living—and walk into God’s future for me?”

At the end of my blog, I presented us with a challenge: “Let’s walk away from our nets—our familiar way of living—and step into the new lifestyle God has prepared for us.”

Now, let me tell you what happened after I pushed the send button for my April Musings.

When I began reading my emails, the first message presented an unusual, exciting opportunity. However, instead of responding with an enthusiastic yes and stepping forward—as I had encouraged you to do only minutes before—I gasped and said to myself, “No! I can’t do that!”

Most likely, God smiled at the refusal. After calming down from my initial outburst, I talked to God, who gently reminded me that I had prayed for more speaking engagements. The light went on. 

The email contained an invitation from Mike Gilland, the station manager of Shepherd Radio in Orlando, to be his guest on the “Afternoons with Mike” segment. “What day is most convenient for you to record the 50-minute interview?” he asked.

I emailed him, “Wednesday morning would work well,” 

Although I’d done several radio interviews in the past, being part of a broadcast in my home area seemed intimidating. After emailing my friends about this newest adventure, and admitting my nervousness, I asked them to pray for confidence, courage, and ability.

My favorite response to this prayer request came from Pat Hunt:

“Thank you, Gail, for branching out and reaching out to a ‘hurting world.’  I'm praying you will know the fruits of your boldness and faithfulness in answering the call from our Lord. I'll look forward to receiving the link to the interview.”

The radio interview with Mike Gilland turned into one of the most exhilarating and rewarding experiences I’ve had so far. One reason for my pleasure surely flowed from my willingness to finally obey God’s call. The interview allowed me to highlight some of the amazing ways God has worked in my life. Mike opened the way to tell listeners how I met Jesus; some of my experiences from 50 years of serving with Campus Crusade/Cru in the US and the Philippines; and the backstory and my passion for writing my two books.

Everyone's prayers transformed the interview into something beautiful and memorable. The responses amazed me.   

“Wonderful, inspiring, and gratifying talk, Gail. So from the heart and so personal. I'll be sharing it.’

“What a wonderful interview! The sound was so clear and the interviewer was truly prepared to ask good questions.
You were amazingly clear in sharing your work and powerful walk with Jesus and trust in God.”

“Wonderful! Amazing!  I listened to the whole broadcast and I'm so proud of you.
You did a great job and the interview was very meaningful and well done.”

“I enjoyed listening to the radio interview. How pleasing to see that God is greatly using you now as an author.
It is so exciting to see how the Holy Spirit weaves all the parts of our lives together as we continue
in our process of growth as ‘fishers of men’! I will continue to pray for God to bless your ministry!”

 “I'm praying for the same spirit of faithfulness and devotion in anything God calls me to do
regardless if it's big or small.”

Last week, I had another chance to “walk into God’s future.” Athena Dean Holtz, author and owner of Redemption Press, asked to interview me for her All Things Podcast. This time, instead of hesitating, I agreed immediately because I recognized this was part of God's plan for my life. 

Have you stepped into something new or unexpected recently? Share about your experience or leave your thoughts about this blog in the comment box below.

 

Recent Podcasts

LISTEN to Gail share about her life as well as her books
The Shepherd Radio podcast

HEAR Gail reveal how she discovered the path to freedom
where she can be the Real Person God created her to be
The All Things podcast

Do you and your friends have a copy of Gail’s books? 

Will the Real Person Please Stand Up? Rising Above the Fear of Rejection
Redemption Press Link  Amazon Link  Barnes & Noble Link

Life Through Loss: Facing Your Pain, Finding Your Purpose
Amazon Link  Barnes & Noble Link

I am going fishing

Choices, Connections, Faith, Fear
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The water lapped at the feet of the ruddy-faced men who stood at the edge of the Sea of Tiberias. Normal bantering and fast movements pushed aside, they gazed at the horizon, uncertain of what to do next.

Peter slowly turned to face the others and quietly announced,

“I am going fishing.”

His fishermen friends looked at one another and then answered,

“We will also come with you.”

Picking up their fishing net, they dragged it to their nearby boat. Mustering all the inner strength they could find, they tried to put their hearts into another day of fishing.

A few years before, they had left their nets and followed Jesus willingly. Every time they observed scales falling from the eyes of blind people, and watched Jesus straighten crippled limbs, their faith grew stronger. Even though their bodies were weary at the end of long days, their hearts were filled with purpose.

Now, through a terrifying series of events, they had lost their best friend, their leader, and the one whose footsteps they had followed. Everything had changed. They were alone.

All they knew to do was push away from the shore. Fishing was familiar. Surely they would bring in their daily quota.

By the end of the day, however, they were heading to shore with an empty boat. Disappointment and bewilderment welled up inside of them. What had they done wrong? They’d been fishing almost their whole lives…until Jesus came along.

Two questions lingered in their weary minds: “How will we survive without Him? What are we supposed to do?”

Suddenly, a man appeared on the beach and spoke to them gently.

“Children, you do not have any fish, do you?
Cast the net on the right-hand side of the boat,
and you will find a catch.”

With nothing to lose, they followed the man’s instruction. Soon, 153 fish flopped around in their net. Without a doubt, they knew this man was the Lord.

Jesus knew the fear that gripped their hearts and the despair that shouted, “You have no future.” He was about to reveal a new plan.

Jesus had a charcoal fire waiting for them when they came to land. He said,

“Bring some of the fish which you have now caught.
Come and have breakfast.”

They eagerly settled in beside him. As He began serving them, they remembered the words He had spoken during His earlier appearance:

 “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.”

He then breathed on them and said,

“Receive the Holy Spirit.”

There on that beach, His disciples realized Jesus was giving them a new call, a personal call. Equipped with the power of the Holy Spirit and infused with new purpose, they left their nets once again and walked by faith into their own ministries of preaching the gospel and bringing souls into God’s kingdom.

As I read this familiar Bible passage*, I pondered what my own future would look like. When the doors of confinement are flung open, would I return to “fishing as usual,” or would I choose to leave my safety net—my familiar, normal way of living—and walk into God’s future for me?

I decided I don’t want to backtrack. I’ve asked God to help me preserve my new lifestyle that has evolved out of COVID-19.

The most special part is having unlimited time to meet with God in the mornings and talk to Him throughout the day. I’ve been able to slow down, relax and guard against my usual hectic pace. I feel pleasure, rather than guilt, whenever I have a long lunch on my porch. Interestingly, even with this slower pace, I’ve made significant progress on my writing goals and other priorities, and even tackled a needed reorganization project.

I’m enjoying people more. A nightly bike ride around my condo complex with a friend gives me needed physical exercise while also opening a way to know my neighbors better and meet new ones. The four of us on my side of the building have shared food, checked up on each other, and shared laughter and words of encouragement. We were close before, but nothing like this.

While being cooped up, I’ve frequently talked with my nieces, nephews, cousins, and personal friends. I’m on a roll, and I want to keep going.

Because we can’t congregate as a church family, our leaders have developed new touchpoints for us during the week, in addition to the services streamed online. Isn’t it exciting that more people are viewing church services now than ever before?

You probably have your own list of positive results. Many of you parents have developed creative family times inside your homes. While your children engage in online learning, you’ve found ways to encourage their teachers. Families and individuals have stepped forward and packed food bags to deliver to frontline people.

Even after we’re free to roam wherever we want, we can keep giving these gifts to others: kindness, gratitude, understanding, empathy, a listening ear, words of hope, and assurance that God loves them and has a good future planned for them.

Let’s preserve those things that have produced new values in us and changed our perspectives on life. Let’s walk away from our nets—our familiar way of living—and step into the new lifestyle God has prepared for us.

In addition to the wonderful parts of your lives that were in place before COVID-19, what new things do you want to continue doing?


*The Bible story is based on the book of John, chapter 21.

Fear or Faith?

Choices, Faith, Fear, Hope
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I invited my friend, Shirley Mewhinney, to share her recent experiences
during the unexpected crisis that has rocked our world.

There isn't a better message for our world today than Gail's blog title, Live Above Fear!

In our private times, and even in public, most of us are experiencing moments of fear and anxiety as we wait out one of the most severe times of testing our nation has ever faced, a new war known as COVID-19.

I’ve heard that our current world disaster closely rivals the last great crisis, World War II, for its toll on our national resources and stamina. I was born during the World War II era, so along with my age, my diabetes puts me in the current highest COVID-19 risk category. Needing to accomplish tasks while isolated in the confines of my own home has increased my anxiety.

Thoughts rush through my mind:  What is happening out there? Why can't I have a part in helping with such great needs?  How will I keep myself supplied with the products I need?  How can I stay safe when the enemy is invisible? Am I taking enough precautions? Will my loved ones be safe? How can I live above fear?

Early one morning I woke up with food on my mind, not because I was hungry; but because I felt anxious about how I could maintain my routine of going out to purchase fresh produce and other healthy food to keep my well-controlled diabetes stable.

Feeling somewhat helpless, I reached for my daily devotional book* published in 1993 and turned to March 17. I discovered a message relevant to 2020. The title was a question, “Do You Worry?” followed by a passage from Psalms.

All living things look to You for food,
and You give it to them at the right time.
You open Your hand, and You satisfy all living things.
Psalm 145: 15-16

The author then explained that the word "worry" comes from a word meaning "to divide." When we worry, our focus is divided and we become our own problem. I knew I needed to refocus and trust God to provide what I need.

A couple mornings later, I woke up concerned about my health. What does a person do if they begin experiencing symptoms of the coronavirus? During my isolation, I had heard many "don'ts" but hadn’t discovered many "do’s."

Again, I reached for my devotional book and turned to March 19. “Trust in the Lord” was the heading this time, accompanied by another portion from Psalms.

God, I look to You for help. I trust in You, Lord.
Psalm 141:8 

The author spoke directly to my heart’s concern when he said, "Do not put your hope in things that can change—relationships, money, talents, beauty, even health. Set your sights on the things that can never change: trust in your heavenly Father."

God knew I needed to trust Him for nutritious food and ways to respond to health issues. I refocused my thoughts on His love and faithfulness. He is the One who never changes, though everything in our world may shift, instilling fear in our hearts.

Some may remember how brave and united our country was during World War II.  Civilians and military alike were rushing into harm’s way to save our nation. Today, heroes in our nation and around the world are putting themselves in danger to avert the spread of this invisible virus, and one great way we can all participate and live above fear is to pray for them and one another as we have been doing in all times of threat.

Even though we have and will suffer heartbreaking losses personally and as a nation, we can trust our never-changing God. With His power and grace, our nation did come back following World War II, and we will come back again from COVID-19.

* Walking with the Shepherd, by Max Lucado

Slices of Time

Choices, Connections, Life, Loss
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What is the hardest thing for you to give up on a daily basis?

For me, it’s my time. Since I’m a planner, it’s a continual challenge to release time to spend with people and get involved with things outside my agenda. In the past, I gave more priority to my projects than to people.

However, in recent years God showed me the importance of sometimes letting go of my neatly-arranged plan so I can enjoy opportunities to spend time with others. Even when it’s only a slice of time, the beauty and the memories that fill my life make it worth it. Time with people is more often at the top of my list now.

This life-changing lesson from God produced a willingness and a desire to build a deeper and more meaningful relationship with Uncle Miles. When my Aunt Elia passed away, his life changed drastically. Mine did, too. Her death was one of many cascading illnesses and death among my family within a short period of time. In my sorrow, I cried out to God, “Father, please don’t take Uncle Miles yet. I can’t say goodbye to anyone else right now. Please let me have more time with him.”

God gave me six years. Those were the most memorable years in our relationship, because Uncle Miles and I became close friends, not just family. Our friendship filled the empty places in both of our lives. We began calling each other every weak—he from the west coast and I from the east side of the country. We discussed family memories and happenings, but he always wanted to know about me. And I asked about the highlights and downsides of his life at the retirement center.

It didn’t matter that he was in his 90’s. He stayed engaged in my life. Each year in the fall, I traveled to Oregon for two weeks to see family and friends. I made time to visit Uncle Miles often, talk on the phone in between visits, and enjoy some meals together. We also started a tradition of taking a day trip together, usually drinking in the beauty of the Colombia River gorge and enjoying the majesty of Mt. Hood. Though hindered by macular degeneration, he remained in charge, cautioning me and making sure I didn’t miss any turns.

One year, after delivering him back to the center following our trip, we sat in his apartment and talked some more. Words full of encouragement and mutual admiration and affirmation flowed between us.

Finally, we stood and hugged each other good-bye. “Honey, thanks for spending time with me. Really enjoyed your visit and especially our trip today.”

Knowing that I was leaving the next day, we looked into each other’s eyes with love. I believe he knew he would never see me again. I was unaware. Perhaps that’s why God prompted me to say, “Uncle Miles, I’ll see you next time . . . but if not, I’ll see you in heaven.”

Uncle Miles died less than three months later, not from an illness, but unexpectedly one early morning at the age of 97. It’s been three years, and I still cry about his absence at times. Yet, I have no regrets because God showed me how to give up my time more freely—even small slices of time—so I wouldn’t miss the chance to build memories with my uncle that I’ll cherish forever.

What memories have you been able to build with a special person because you adjusted your plan and spent more time with them?

Life Through Loss:
Facing Your Pain, Finding Your Purpose
Available at ​Amazon Link

The Downside of People Pleasing

Barriers, Choices, Fear, Rejection
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I still struggle with what people think of me.

Proof surfaced during the opening night of the annual Word Weavers retreat in Leesburg, Florida. We were asked to dress as our favorite detective to coincide with the theme: Your Identity as Writers. I chose Miss Marple, the unexpected detective created by the famous mystery writer, Agatha Christie. My costume was a big hit! So what could go wrong?

Well, the MC asked us to come to the podium and explain who we were. My introduction brought smiles. Unfortunately, I threw out two more comments as if I were the real Miss Marple. The first brought a chuckle, the second dead silence and blank stares. Hurrying to my seat, my mind bombarded me with accusations. “You talked too long. Why did you try to be clever? You changed their positive view of you.”

After wrestling with my thoughts for a while, I remembered the solution…once again. My new freedom allows me to make mistakes without focusing on what people might think. It felt good to let go of that silly incident, confess my self-centered thoughts, and thank God that my flaws and imperfections help me be a real person to the people I meet.

“I am full of mistakes and imperfections and therefore I am real.”
Shaun Hick

Leigh McLeroy, in The Sacred Ordinary, explains, “I was a performing child, and I remember performing well—not only because I wanted the satisfaction of doing a thing rightly but because I wanted the praise that typically comes with achievement. . . . (My parents) praised my efforts and my accomplishments, and I liked that very much. But I also believe . . . that they would have loved me just as much had I not performed so well. I believe this because I love the children in my life, even when they don’t shine. . . . Where love is concerned, it’s belonging that counts—not performing.”

She ends with I Corinthians 13:7-8, “[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. . . .” Then Leigh asks, “What could you do that could make [God] love you more? He has already given everything to make you his.” God longs for us to bask in His love, the best defense against whatever our minds might prompt us to do, especially in front of an audience.

Have you had an embarrassing, people-pleasing moment? What did you learn from it?

Tend Your Garden

Choices, Freedom, Joy, Life
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“Gail, remember to tend your garden!”

Shirley is the kind of friend who sends me these kinds of alerts whenever she discerns I’m forgetting to pause and tend my own personal garden. To give myself permission to slow down and go someplace or do something that allows me to relax, recharge, and reflect. To rest in a way that restores my soul.

Little did I know that my summer project would create a perfect environment to help this happen more frequently.

My well-used white wicker porch set no longer beckoned me outside. My heart longed for some pretty, comfortable, and durable chairs as well as a matching table. Fully expecting an extensive search, the moment I stepped into the patio display of a nearby store, my vision came to life. The high back, glider/swivel chairs, with colorful pillows casually thrown on as a suggestion, as well as the perfect-size glass-top table, screamed “Gail.” The patio sale, that reduced the price by $50, added to the thrill of the find.

A comedy of errors ensued as my neighbor Pam and I placed the huge box in her truck, lugged the individual pieces to my patio, and began assembling the first chair…only to discover the plastic bag containing screws, bolts, and directions was missing. After picking up the crucial items from the store, and soliciting help from another friend, our DIY project finally came to a successful end.

After thanking Pam profusely, I prepared my lunch and carried it outside to enjoy my new, colorful oasis. While slowly gliding back and forth in the comfy chairs, I read my book and listened to the birds chirping. The flourishing fern, displayed in my large, cobalt-blue pot, brushed my soul with delight. Periodically, I drank in the beauty of the pink cypress tree, and flowers and foliage gracing the backyard beyond my enclosed porch. Without realizing it, two hours had passed. Smiling, I declared out loud, “Time stands still out here. I could easily stay all day.”

In what ways do you stop and tend your personal garden so you are refreshed, revived and ready to walk back into the various arenas of your life? Sometimes it only takes a pause.

“The music in a song isn’t just the notes.
It’s the space between them.
A song without rests, without timing,
isn’t a song. It isn’t music.” 

John Ruskin

Where is Alan?

Choices, Connections, Faith, Hope
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Ever since my divine encounter with Alan at the beach several months ago, I’d wondered what had happened in his life since our conversation.
(The full story of Alan . . . Man at the Sea)

In June, my nephew Casey, great niece Piper and I enjoyed an overnight stay at the same beach where I’d met Alan. After waving goodbye as they headed home to South Carolina, I walked to my car. But I wasn’t thinking about driving home; I was focused on trying to find Alan.

As I wound through the back roads, I prayed, “You are God so you know exactly where Alan is today. Please lead me to him.”

God’s plan of precision began to unfold. My turns were only guesses as I passed by high-rise hotels and looked for a lower white building I remembered seeing behind Alan when we talked on the beach. Searching for the public steps he may have taken, I saw a nearby parking lot—but those slots were private. Spotting a service truck parked in a grassy area on a side road, I pulled in beside the vehicle and jumped out. Realizing my bumper stuck out slightly into the road, I got back in and pulled the car up a bit.

Satisfied, I reached for my book to give Alan, if I found him. I wandered toward the parking lot near the beach. As I crossed the street, I came face to face with a tall, thin women holding her dog and obviously headed for the beach, too. I hesitated, but she motioned for me to walk ahead of her.

As soon as I took a step forward, I heard, “What book are you reading?”

I stopped, turned around, and held up the book. “This happens to be something I wrote.”

She looked at the title and sub-title, gasped, and threw her arms around my neck.

Stunned, but wanting to acknowledge her obvious trauma, I said, “You have faced rejection, too.”

“All my life.”

I confided I had felt rejected during my growing up years. After we learned each other’s names, the story of Teresa’s sad life experiences tumbled out of her mouth. She mentioned being part of an Alcoholics Anonymous group. Could it be?

“Teresa, the reason I’m carrying this book, is I met a man named Alan on the beach several months ago. We talked about rejection and he wanted to read my book. If I find him I want to give him this copy. He said he’s part of an AA group here. Do you happen to know him?”

“Tall, skinny?”

“Yes!”

“He lives up the street and attends often. Our group meets tonight so he may be there.”

In disbelief, I handed her the book. “Would you give this to him?”

Not wanting our conversation to end, Teresa suggested we move to the shady area so her little dog, Maxie, wouldn’t have to stand on the hot concrete.

Like friends who’d known each other a long time, we lowered ourselves on to the inviting green grass and continued our story telling. We realized the differences in our experiences, yet the complete understanding we shared created a bond.

In spite of all the trauma she’d endured, Teresa had set her sights on a two-year degree in social work. She is working against enormous odds, but her unfailing belief and trust in God since the age of 31 will undoubtedly fortify her as she moves toward discovering God’s eternal plan. Her passion is to help others know they are not alone.

God merged three lives into one beautiful story. Teresa helped me find out where Alan was, and I listened to Teresa’s hurts and reinforced her hope in God for a better life.

“Teresa, we have to take some pictures.” We laughed and hugged, and made sure that one picture included her sweet, compliant dog Maxie. After all, he was the reason she was heading to the beach at that divine moment in time.

We exchanged cell phones and emails so we could keep in touch. As soon as I arrived home, I texted a handful of pictures.

Joy bubbled up inside me when I read Teresa’s response. “You blessed me today…God with skin.”

But my story doesn’t end there. In subsequent texts from Teresa, I learned that Alan was out of town for the summer. Finally he returned, and Teresa told me, “I gave Alan the book and he was pleasantly surprised.”

I can only imagine his expression when she handed him my book and related the story of how Teresa and I found each other. Another loving touch from God that I hope Alan will receive as proof of how much God loves him.

Man at the Sea

Choices, Connections, Fear, Freedom, Hope
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He sat in stillness, as if mesmerized by the crashing waves in front of him.

“Mind if I take your picture?” I ventured.

After his consent for a photo shoot, I asked him the standard beach-side question, “Where’re you from?”

“I live here and usually come once a day. How’d you get time off during the week?”

With a smile I replied, “I recently retired so I can drive here any time.”

“What’re you doing now that you’re retired?”

I offered the first thing that came to my mind. “Well, it’s given me time to write a book.”

When he asked what it’s about, and I explained it’s about the fear of rejection, he admitted, “The thought of rejection holds me back from saying things or presenting my opinion because I want it to be perfect.”

After confessing I had the same problem, I told him that God is in my life and He is helping me make progress and become more free with people.

After exchanging names, Alan told me more. “I belong to an AA group. I used to go to keep from drinking. Now I go because of the fellowship. And I feel safe.”

“How long have you been sober?”

“Seventeen years. I don’t want to take one drink, because I don’t want to give up what I have in the group.”

“That’s wonderful. God wants to help you stay sober.”

Pausing for a moment, we looked toward the rolling waves, blue sky, and brilliant sunshine and agreed that all of it reflected God.

As we stood together, he said, “Thank you for stopping to talk. I’ll buy your book. I know it will help me.”

“Alex, do you realize that God arranged that you would come to this spot and I would choose this time to walk by?”

We smiled at each other with the realization that this was an arranged appointment we would never forget.

As I walked away, I felt like my feet were barely touching the sand. I’m praying that this spiritual seed-planting and watering time will blossom and flourish in the heart of Alex, the man God brought to the sea that day.